dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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