So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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