I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
