Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
