and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
tell me about the fingering
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
