Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
