i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
