ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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