i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
