Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
