operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
