guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
