If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
