It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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