no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
