I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
