I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
