Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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