I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
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Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
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you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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