Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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