her facebook's as public as her vagina
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
