Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
