I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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