I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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