I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
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If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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