I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
