Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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