I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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