We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
