You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
