Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
