Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
