Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
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One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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