I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
