I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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