So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
