just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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