A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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