So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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