I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
