I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
