you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
