2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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