about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
