im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
