There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
