Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize