apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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