she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
