this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
