nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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