There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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