yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
