I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
