Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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