And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
