The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
