I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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