This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
