we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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