I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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