Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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