I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
