Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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