I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
